Why?
Why is there a stigma? Why is it, like the troublesome root of japanese knotweed - attached to mental health? Planting it's roots, causing more harm than good, taking hard work to rid the root of the problem.
Why do people deem it socially acceptable to talk about sex, periods, weight problems. All intimate subjects - yet freely talked about across the world day after day, yet cannot tell someone if their mood is even slightly low?
I understand, if someone has not been blighted by such troubles in their life, it can be hard to comprehend. But why are minds sometimes closed? Like parachutes, they will only work when open. Unfortunately, too many people won't speak about problems such like, until it's too late.
If someone tells you they are struggling - how do you necessarily know they want help? Maybe they just want to offload & a friendly listening ear... Maybe they don't know where else to go, and where the help is? Let's face it, help for mental health issues is hardly readily advertised.
You can pop to your local chemist, doctor or even asda, & check blood pressure, cholesterol and obtain the morning after pill. Go to a chemist and tell them you have a problem but it can't be seen - they are flummoxed.
People also apologise for "being like this". What is this? There is absolutely no shame in needing help, receiving help, and speaking about it. People should never feel ashamed about the person they are. You are given things in life as a test; a test of character, and because you CAN come out the other side; and be more
Proud of yourself than ever.
I'm going to ask a question, and think hard about your answer. Pick a person you know - how are they? Now how are they really? Do you honestly really know? Many people will shrug it off because of this stigma. Think to yourself, how many things do you know about, things that are available etc through people speaking?
Communication is the key to recovery. You are never alone, at times you may feel alone, no one cares, you apologise for taking up their time and being silly. But it isn't silly, it is serious. Never ever feel ashamed of what you are, and what you are feeling. Be yourself and reach out for help if you need it. You only get one chance, don't spend it searching for something, ask. Speak. Listen to your body and mind.
Never let anyone make you feel inferior, or that you are weak for feeling like this. It makes you stronger as a person and you appreciate more in life. Always remember the strength you carry deep down inside even if you can't feel it, it's there.
Life doesn't have a map, or an instruction manual...
And until people in any kind of standing understand this, there will always be this Japanese knotweed creeping, climbing and settling in. Take it on. Break the food chain that it thrives on, and speak.
If anyone is struggling, please just let me know and I can supply my email address to offer support. I am by no means a qualified doctor or mental health nurse, but i can speak from experience. I can point you in the right direction for help should to need it, and more than anything I will talk openly. Lauri xx
Sunday 20 November 2011
Saturday 3 September 2011
Last one for now - Monster in my head...
This following story is written from experience...
There is a monster in my head.
I am not ashamed to say, it beat me. It must have been there for a while, hibernating.
Then one day it reared its ugly head.
What does my monster look like?
It's a giant elastic band ball. It has arms and legs. It runs from side to side in my head, taunting me.
The monster took me away. IT took me right to the bottom. It stripped me of my clothes, my skin and my life.
It made me retreat into my shell.
At the begining of this journey i was a tortioise. Retreating into my shell when things were tough. Now i something else.
I dont quite know what i a, but im not that tortioise. i WONT be that tortioise.
There is no shame in admitting what that monster did to me.
Shaking, Tremoring inside, feeling sick/dizzy, how fast could my heart beat? Apparantly not fast enough! Flushes, headaches and heartburn. & these are just the physical symptoms!
What about what goes on upstairs?
People ask you to snap out of it, tell you to cheer up and stop thinking of it, but im sorry, it isnt that easy. If it was, no one would ever suffer with it.
At times, that monster is is a lot stronger than me, not all the time, but at times.
What runs through my head you ask? What doesn't!!!
Imagine i gave you 3 concrete slabs, and asked you to place one on your head, and one on each shoulder. Welcome to walking around with anxiety.
I have tablets, i have paper bags, i have water. I HAVE PROBLEMS.
I can see a panic attack through, I can meditate when i feel calm, or sometimes even when im stressed, i can see that through.
What hurts the most and is so hard, is the thoughts and images. I know they are ridicoulous, but the monester must like them. He's found a friend up there!!
Fear breeds fear. Sounds stupid doesnt it? Don't be scared, a panic attack can't harm you.
No it can't. Well at least not physically. It F***ing kills mentally!
"am i going mad? Am i the only one? Can people tell? Am i going to die/be sick/pass out/stop breathing? NO.
But yet the thoughts continue to grow, branching out like a tree. It's a viscious circle, and not a nice one!
But you know what?
somewhere in the outer edge of that circle is a door. You will find it one day. No-one can tell you how long it will take for you to find it, but eventually you will find that door and exit that circle.
Next time you feel you would rather be gone than live like this, look for that door. You might not see it clearly, but there will be evidence of it, and it's there somewhere.
What i fond extremley difficult was that i wasnt who i was suppose to be anymore. I was supposed to be strong, helpful, would do anything for anyone. That was me, a people pleaser.
But why?? Who says i HAD to be strong, i HAD to be helpful. no-one. It's the way i was made. there is no supposed to be this and supposed to be that. You are who you are. But what i realise now, is that i actually matter, i have a purpose. I understand it upsets those near me, and is hard for some to understand, but maybe this will help.
As i said at the begining, i am not ashamed. In fact, quite the opposite. I feel lucky.
how silly is that?
But i do. I feel lucky that i have been to rock bottom. I now know you cant always put on a face, and there is no shame in asking for help. But yes. Im lucky.
Going to rock bottom means the only way is up. You can't get any further down so there is only one way back.
I'm actually glad i didnt stay in the middle. I have experienced the sheer exhilrating highs of life, and the down right awful lows. But i wouldnt change it. I can now appreciate things a lot more.
I am thankful anxiety came, as it has given e a 2nd chance, and a chance to rebuild myself from scratch.
By no means is this going to be easy, it will be incredibly hard, with setbacks - but so what?
I've taken what that monsters thrown at me so far, and come through it.
Yes i a completley broken. I am a broken young woman. But so what? Crisis' and breakdowns arent just for mid-life!
As i said, i can rebuild. It's the hardest battle i have ever fought, but im still fighting. Theres a lion in me somewhere, and when he comes out, that monster better watch himself!
Im stronger than that monster. He might have taken precious weeks and months of my past and present, but he isn't getting my future, becuase i have hold of that. And my grip is stronger than his.
When i look to the future, i see a long road, with lots of bumps, lots of roads off it and lots of tunnels.
But it doesnt matter how fast i go over the bumps, which roads i take, or how many tunnels i go through.
Because at the end of that road, is;
ME.
There is a monster in my head.
I am not ashamed to say, it beat me. It must have been there for a while, hibernating.
Then one day it reared its ugly head.
What does my monster look like?
It's a giant elastic band ball. It has arms and legs. It runs from side to side in my head, taunting me.
The monster took me away. IT took me right to the bottom. It stripped me of my clothes, my skin and my life.
It made me retreat into my shell.
At the begining of this journey i was a tortioise. Retreating into my shell when things were tough. Now i something else.
I dont quite know what i a, but im not that tortioise. i WONT be that tortioise.
There is no shame in admitting what that monster did to me.
Shaking, Tremoring inside, feeling sick/dizzy, how fast could my heart beat? Apparantly not fast enough! Flushes, headaches and heartburn. & these are just the physical symptoms!
What about what goes on upstairs?
People ask you to snap out of it, tell you to cheer up and stop thinking of it, but im sorry, it isnt that easy. If it was, no one would ever suffer with it.
At times, that monster is is a lot stronger than me, not all the time, but at times.
What runs through my head you ask? What doesn't!!!
Imagine i gave you 3 concrete slabs, and asked you to place one on your head, and one on each shoulder. Welcome to walking around with anxiety.
I have tablets, i have paper bags, i have water. I HAVE PROBLEMS.
I can see a panic attack through, I can meditate when i feel calm, or sometimes even when im stressed, i can see that through.
What hurts the most and is so hard, is the thoughts and images. I know they are ridicoulous, but the monester must like them. He's found a friend up there!!
Fear breeds fear. Sounds stupid doesnt it? Don't be scared, a panic attack can't harm you.
No it can't. Well at least not physically. It F***ing kills mentally!
"am i going mad? Am i the only one? Can people tell? Am i going to die/be sick/pass out/stop breathing? NO.
But yet the thoughts continue to grow, branching out like a tree. It's a viscious circle, and not a nice one!
But you know what?
somewhere in the outer edge of that circle is a door. You will find it one day. No-one can tell you how long it will take for you to find it, but eventually you will find that door and exit that circle.
Next time you feel you would rather be gone than live like this, look for that door. You might not see it clearly, but there will be evidence of it, and it's there somewhere.
What i fond extremley difficult was that i wasnt who i was suppose to be anymore. I was supposed to be strong, helpful, would do anything for anyone. That was me, a people pleaser.
But why?? Who says i HAD to be strong, i HAD to be helpful. no-one. It's the way i was made. there is no supposed to be this and supposed to be that. You are who you are. But what i realise now, is that i actually matter, i have a purpose. I understand it upsets those near me, and is hard for some to understand, but maybe this will help.
As i said at the begining, i am not ashamed. In fact, quite the opposite. I feel lucky.
how silly is that?
But i do. I feel lucky that i have been to rock bottom. I now know you cant always put on a face, and there is no shame in asking for help. But yes. Im lucky.
Going to rock bottom means the only way is up. You can't get any further down so there is only one way back.
I'm actually glad i didnt stay in the middle. I have experienced the sheer exhilrating highs of life, and the down right awful lows. But i wouldnt change it. I can now appreciate things a lot more.
I am thankful anxiety came, as it has given e a 2nd chance, and a chance to rebuild myself from scratch.
By no means is this going to be easy, it will be incredibly hard, with setbacks - but so what?
I've taken what that monsters thrown at me so far, and come through it.
Yes i a completley broken. I am a broken young woman. But so what? Crisis' and breakdowns arent just for mid-life!
As i said, i can rebuild. It's the hardest battle i have ever fought, but im still fighting. Theres a lion in me somewhere, and when he comes out, that monster better watch himself!
Im stronger than that monster. He might have taken precious weeks and months of my past and present, but he isn't getting my future, becuase i have hold of that. And my grip is stronger than his.
When i look to the future, i see a long road, with lots of bumps, lots of roads off it and lots of tunnels.
But it doesnt matter how fast i go over the bumps, which roads i take, or how many tunnels i go through.
Because at the end of that road, is;
ME.
The first one... Depression...
Is It Circumstantial?
Does circumstance act as a pre-requisite to depression?
I have known or heard of people with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of pounds in the bank - deeply unsettled and unhappy. I have in equal measure known of people with absoloutley nothing but they're friends and family - who couldn't be happier.
Steven Fry for example - a man with the world at his feet. A Hugely successful broadcasting career, i suspect a healthy bank balance, and also a manic depressive.
Marcus Trescothik - arguably one of the great English batsmen of recent years. A jet setter with the English national cricket team - seeing almost every corner of the world. HE holds a National record for the fastest half century scored in English Twenty Twenty cricket. He has also been clinically depressed.
The above examples allow me to return to the question in hand - is it circumstantial?
In my opinion it is impossible to tell. For many people money means everything - and by having this money means they are never depressed. Are they too busy to stop and think of their emotional well-being? Or are they quite simply, happy? Either - is a suitable answer.
For many people - money means nothing. If a person can go to work and earn a wage - put a roof over their families head and feed the children - are they happy? OR do they feel hopeless? Are they too busy to stop and think about thier emotional wellbeing or are they quite simply - happy? Again - any of these are a suitable answer.
Are material gains more important than the love and support of dedicated friends and family? Who knows? Every persons view on this sibject - and rightly so - will be different.
However - with an economic climate such as the one present today in Britain - and much of the world, and the increase of those being treated for clinical depression - you do begin to ask if it is co-incidental?
Does circumstance act as a pre-requisite to depression?
I have known or heard of people with hundreds of thousands, if not millions of pounds in the bank - deeply unsettled and unhappy. I have in equal measure known of people with absoloutley nothing but they're friends and family - who couldn't be happier.
Steven Fry for example - a man with the world at his feet. A Hugely successful broadcasting career, i suspect a healthy bank balance, and also a manic depressive.
Marcus Trescothik - arguably one of the great English batsmen of recent years. A jet setter with the English national cricket team - seeing almost every corner of the world. HE holds a National record for the fastest half century scored in English Twenty Twenty cricket. He has also been clinically depressed.
The above examples allow me to return to the question in hand - is it circumstantial?
In my opinion it is impossible to tell. For many people money means everything - and by having this money means they are never depressed. Are they too busy to stop and think of their emotional well-being? Or are they quite simply, happy? Either - is a suitable answer.
For many people - money means nothing. If a person can go to work and earn a wage - put a roof over their families head and feed the children - are they happy? OR do they feel hopeless? Are they too busy to stop and think about thier emotional wellbeing or are they quite simply - happy? Again - any of these are a suitable answer.
Are material gains more important than the love and support of dedicated friends and family? Who knows? Every persons view on this sibject - and rightly so - will be different.
However - with an economic climate such as the one present today in Britain - and much of the world, and the increase of those being treated for clinical depression - you do begin to ask if it is co-incidental?
Thursday 4 August 2011
Sorry I've neglected the blog! Had manic couple of days..
16 hour day followed by a 14 hour...!
Nevertheless, heres a picture I took on Tuesday...
Nevertheless, heres a picture I took on Tuesday...
Sunday 31 July 2011
Finished the early shift at work...
Might head over to Redcar or Saltburn see if there are any photo opportunities? Will keep you updated :)
Saturday 30 July 2011
Last one for today... Animals...
Be they mine, or wild - here are my animal photos. Granted - some are nothing special - but practice = perfect! Last blog of the day, i promise!
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| This, and the one below were not taken by me, but my father. |
More photos from Nature...
Here are a few more... All the following were taken at Hardwick Park - unless otherwise stated.
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| Stoctkon Riverside |
 |
| Stockton Riverside |
 |
| Stockton Riverside |
Nature...
I decided to go through some old photos I had taken, and upload them in categories. The first being pictures I have taken when out and about and spotted a great photo opportunity! Please, be as nice, or as critical as you please - all feedback is good feedback!
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| Beautiful Village |
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| Awesome "flood" |
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| Local Park - Annoyed at the finger mark (Bottom left!) |
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| Beautiful Walk along the River Tees |
Welcome!
Hey,
Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm relatively new to all this, the most blogging i do is on Twitter! But, on the suggestion of a friend, i have decided to set up my own photography blog.
The purpose of my blog is to share photos i have taken, with the world.
I have a keen interest in photography and pride myself on having an eye for a good shot! (although sometimes, I may as well have NO eyes, as they come out hideous!) I have no formal training, just an avid interest, in how a picture can say A Thousand Words.
I would also like other peoples input, photos they have taken ETC.
See you soon, hopefully!
Thanks for visiting my blog. I'm relatively new to all this, the most blogging i do is on Twitter! But, on the suggestion of a friend, i have decided to set up my own photography blog.
The purpose of my blog is to share photos i have taken, with the world.
I have a keen interest in photography and pride myself on having an eye for a good shot! (although sometimes, I may as well have NO eyes, as they come out hideous!) I have no formal training, just an avid interest, in how a picture can say A Thousand Words.
I would also like other peoples input, photos they have taken ETC.
See you soon, hopefully!
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